Ritual Misery

Eon and Anon

Ok...So it can either be "Woot!" or "Phew!". I cant seem to decide which fits better. Maybe a combination, like "Woew!" or "Phot!", since it involves both to a certain extent. I'm more inclined to "Phot!" though, you can atleast attempt to pronounce it, unlike "Woew!". Anyway, now that ive killed off all your desire to read, I shall get to the details, which arent quite as laconic as "Woot!" or "Phew!" may suggest.

It all began a long long time ago, when someone, without realising what the consequences would be, let me in on a secret. Being as it is, that such things are rarely forgotten, the subject was pushed and pushed, way over the saturation line, till finally, lans tight, it got its due! It was ecliptic, almost apocalyptic, the fashion in which it ended, but it was well worth it. The battle of the subconscious - ever so subtle, ever so unforgiving.

>>Rewind<<

The day had been dull and uninteresting. Then you entered in full blown techicolour. Brena played in the head; mine. It wont all be a breeze, i thought to myself, especially since a third entity was extremely keen on intervening. But that too did pass...or did it? Finally it was time. All this preperation, although it hardly showed, was to pay off. A simple slide of the hand, intentions made very clear, the peripheral curve again and the 'donkey'. And then those rats fled! We had no option but to chase them. So we called for 'Exotic' reinforcements. But later realised we were about to bite off more than we can chew. So we stalled a bit, with hope still to resume later on. The chase wasnt over yet, but luckly, the night wasnt either.

A different place, under a different light, a different time, but the same emotive. A blend of pain, finding balance in the comfort, over and beyond the borderline, till nothing else mattered. It wasnt about to end either. But then we jammed the brakes, as we concurred about the speed. Its a good thing too. Control is very important. So we carried on - home. Woot!

There we were, without a care. Nothing to lose, or so we assumed. Then the bells tolled, the realisation was too much to take. Didnt want to, but without a choice, had to bury the deed. It all happened so fast, not quite sure what I was thinking then. Something inherent was a blessing. It helped me be as convincing as can be.

Thus started the battle of the subconscious. The awakening of the beast could mean the end of the world as we know it. It was the collective unconscious vs the subconscious. Neither can live while the other survives! According to tarrot, its the ability to breakdown complex problems into simple steps that helped. Whatever. Those were some scray moments. Usually sound in all forms appeals to me. But this time was differnet. We were threading a fine needle...in complete darkness. But to my surprise, it was done. No hiccups, whatsoever. Phew! The long lonely road was such a relief. Tried my best to sleep on it, not the road, the thought of success, but couldnt. The abruptness of it all, kinda put me off. But I guess thats asking for much.

>>Play<<

With time gone by, everything, no matter how bad it is, turns into something we can laugh about. I'm just glad we can already laugh about it. As i write this, i'm not truly within this wake. Somewhere, a part of me, still clings on to home. This i suppose is the side effect. Not something i'm complaining about.

Oh...Happy New Year!

GodSex

Now, this has been on my mind for quite awhile now. You've all heard of him(notice the personification), but who thinks what about it? Doesnt make sense? Didnt think so. Lets try this again. Hang on...

A shout out to all my Atheist brothers and sisters! You guys rule, and I like how you'd like to think you're cool and all, but this article aint for you, so stop reading. We'll save the 'exists, doesnt exist' argument for later. For the moment, lets assume the 'exists' theory.

Now...don't get it twisted from the title, It's not what it sounds like. I'm talking Gender here. When you say 'God', are you referring to a female entity or a male entity? * Honest!

I expect to hear 'male' from everyone. Here's why...

Men like to think God is a 'he', because men think themselves superior, and to even think the supreme being is a 'she' would destroy the male ego. And the 'ego' as we know, is like the heart of the male species. They are born with it, and they'll die fighting for it. It is simply unacceptable to let the almighty be a woman!

Women, on the otherhand, too think God is a 'he'. Why? Well, simple. Woman believe their kin cannot do wrong. And we all blame god at times, don't we? I mean, you've all went "Why god, why???" atleast once. It is not possible for a woman to blame another woman. Letting God be male, makes it easier for woman to accept even God can be wrong at times.

Now, I know....Not many of you agree with me on this. I dont blame you. I dont expect you to. But think about it. God..... Can God even be personified at all??? Or is God to be considered the supreme 'entity', and just that. I have the answer. If you were careful enough, you already know it. Now repeat after me -

"As I speak unto thou, the meek, the fearful, care not to beckon the spirit of question. For all thou wish, and all thou need, are all that thy soul, with might, shalt giveth. Look no further than beyond thy person, with sinew thee transcend, yet be human still. Look not above to taketh thy fears, reflect within and thou shalt recieve. For what spake here is neither to question, as what thou heareth is Faaip De Oiad."



*To the babe - Forget you ever learnt the word Goddess

Lady By The Plastic

This was gonna be sooo different....

Bright as the sunshine, the smile on her face

I stood and wondered, how simple lives were run

What good of purity, had lit up her days?

Living off plastic, for those fortune had done

No greater comfort, no riches in denial

Everything out there, just a sigh out of reach

She sold pleasure, sweet deceit for a child

But her smile still stole all urge for speech

Seasons have changed now, the winter brings a chill

Forges no warmth, but still her eyes are lit

Bespoke a raindrop, I thought upon the sill

'You've struck water, this dry well, now has spilt'

She sold goodwill, for her fortune deceived

Put up a brave veil, for children needed this

Her smile though tainted, still lingered in her lead

She was plastic, living on her shattered dreams

A cool way to hurt a boar through viral poetry

I'm bored....

It's strange how something seems so precious when you cant have it, but once you have it, just seems to lose its worth. Thats pretty much how the past hmm....6 days have been. Been craving for this for god knows how long, and a week in and im already sick of it. No purpose to serve whatsoever, and the only thing that had been promising some respite, has turned into an absolute disaster. Or maybe its because my billfold's on a diet. Whatever the reason, everythings utterly stagnant now. But recently got wind of a homecoming, which is pretty exciting to say the least, so well, something at last to look forward to. But will this too turn out exactly like what the first lines describe? I certainly hope not. And apart from all this, theres also the constant "intervention" of a certain someone, who desperately needs to find their way home. Theres no prejudice any longer, just plain dislike. But that seems to be misunderstood, time and again.

On a side note, there was a step over today. Not exactly comprehensive, but better than the dismal first appearence. The highlight though, was when a person who was not so involved in all of it, got smacked square on the face. The funny thing is, it almost seemed as if he enjoyed it. It was not a sneak attack, it was straight on, but he didnt think it necessary perhaps to...umm....move. "Well, if that works for you then who am I to complain?"

And then I went socializing, and found that the 12 turned 13. But whats weird about all this is, the newest seems to be an invisible force! Whats the use of being a cooling device if you cant be seen? Or maybe I'm hoping for too much fresh air, but as long as I'm getting it, I want to know whats sustaining me. Fair enough, dont you think?

Hmm.....wait....hmm....

Oh yeah, stop watching tv...all of you. Theres a virus spreading through the idiot box these days, code named 'cant-sing-without-my-cap;wait-actually-cant-sing-anyways'. This is the deadliest of its kind, and is known to have a terrible effect on ear drums and fashion sense. This is also known to cause complacency, particularly one ones artistic capabilities. It may also cause constant repetition of rhythmic movements and pseudo-poetry. A cure for this is not available, so prevention is necessary. Protect yourselves and your loved ones, and even those who you dont,'cause honestly, even they dont deserve this.

Yup....I'm bored again....

T A E N Y H S L C M I N E E O S O V A R H R A N E

Hmm.....where do I begin?? This might take awhile. How life plays with you sometimes. Whoever said 'What goes around, comes around', sure wasnt kidding. It was me as me then, it as it. Now its you as me, and me as it. And I hate being it. I don't even know why I did, what I did. I don't know if its right or wrong. But if these are the consequences, I rather not have done it.

What I felt, and what you did, were not very far apart. Every ingrediant was present, except that one thing that'd give it a whole new meaning. Don't get me wrong, this not near as sleazy as it sounds. And so I kept hoping, that that too shall show up, but it never did, and honestly, I began to doubt if it ever would. And then I began to question my loyalty. If there was ever to be a situation where my loyalty deterred, even if you could, I wouldnt be able to forgive myself. This I didnt want happening. Call it fear, call it stupidity, or call it confusion, I saw no other option.

I know this isnt right for you, but for me, atleast initially, it was. 'Cause in my mind, nothing had changed. It was still the same weather, the same disposition. But now, when I see it all change, I don't feel the same. Maybe the right mind was what was. What is now, is twisted, in its own fear of loss. And nothing I say to it will help. And everything you don't say doesnt either. If there was a way for me to make it all clearer, I'd try. As it is, I should probably give it a shot.

(People who realise this is not addressed to you, don't read)

There is a chance that you might actually read this. I think its imporant you do. But I can't ask you to do it. Anyway....

There is no way I can seperate myself from something thats become so much a part of me. I'm afraid I can't do justice to what it wants from me. I can't lie about it either. If you'd prefer I did, I will. But there is no way I'm giving it up. I promise I'm not trying to make your life any harder, but I've gotta do what I've gotta do. Don't think for a second that all that there was, came only from one end, 'cause thats not true. I'm not saying this to pacify myself, I'm way past that, but you need to know that NOTHING was a lie. Every little thing that was said, every little thing that was felt, was true. Its the same thing we want, in a way, but what we choose to call it, is what makes all the difference. I can't say this any better, I'm not too good with words, but I hope, you know now, things for what they are.

(People who realised, but continued reading anyway, dont try to make sense of it)

I don't want everything to go in vain, hopefully there'll still be a day for you and I.

The Finger

......and there goes another. And others will too. But I'll still suck at this. And now this will be evaluated? How does one evaluate nothing?? Well...goodluck to you! Maybe I should try and fill the void, but meh...too lazy :p And as if this alone werent enough, now we've got people with fast wheels and bloated egos judging our every move. Keep your wisdom to yourself, it wont diffuse! Better still are those who dont judge, question or answer. It is hard to say who I despise the most. Probably the third kind...I rather do something than nothing. And something can be done, if there was anything to share in the first place. But oh....ever so vacant. Why do I even bother??

......and thats just a dozen. What do we do when we have 5 halves? Completely different they might be, but erm....just as bad. So who decides who I speak to, and who I dont? Certianly not you, thanks. Its this kinda bullshit that drives me away in the first place. And what does one have to do for some privacy here? Certainly not as big as the name would suggest, but big enough to house the weirdest and rarest forms of specimen known to mankind. And even more unfortunately, they arent left bottled up or seen peering through glass windows! They are left to move about freely. Why did father give these talking monkeys free will? And IF they were capable of understanding, I'd bother explaining, but nay....just too hard for some I guess. One (almost) down, three to go. Must keep reminding myself of this.

A judge, a dosser, an imbecile, a jerk, a (few dozen) miscreant(s)....a self reflection? Point one back at me...

Wings...

You're the only one who can hold your head up high,
Shake your fists at the gates saying:
"I have come home now!
Fetch me the spirit, the son, and the father
Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended.
It's time now! My time now!
Give me my, give me my wings."